It's been three years since we've had a normal Christmas, uninterrupted by last-minute flights around the world and cancer. I feel like I've got a lot to make up for, especially since there are a lot of holes in my memories of last year. While there are many things I can remember there are lots of things I can't recall at all. I can't remember a single gift I gave my kids for Christmas. It's like I wasn't even there. But I remember sitting up with Landon through the night, wishing he'd sleep instead of cry. I can't remember what we did on Christmas Eve even though I know our whole family was together, but I remember picking Randy up at the airport after his long flight from Japan. I'm sure the big holes in my memory are a result of the emotional stress of watching my mother die. The only way I could cope with it was to detach my heart from my head.
I want this year to be different. I want to fill this season with good memories to replace the bad ones that break my heart. I want to remember Ethan and Marcus helping me decorate the tree and forget what it was like to administer pain killers to my mom through an IV. I want to remember reading Christmas stories with my boys instead of trying to explain why Grandma had to die. I want this year to be special and happy. And maybe if we make enough good memories I can forget everything about last year.
Talk about moving forward
and making good memories!
Check out my sister in this article
Congratulations to your sister!! What an honor. What I wouldn't give to take a Photoshop class from her!
ReplyDeleteI remember your Christmas of 08 or 09 when the boys had fake Christmas! LOL! That was hilarious! All the kids on the hill were so envious - especially ours! Here's knowing Christmas 2010 will be the best and one you'll never forget! :)
Way to go Leesh! You're all amazing! hope this Christmas brings LOTS of sweet memories. I hope to see you on the 17th!
ReplyDeleteI wish you the Merriest Christmas EVER!!
ReplyDeleteI will admit that a huge cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream really hits the spot and makes it feel more like Christmas after getting in from the cold. In Okinawa the feeling of Christmas time just wasn't quite there.
I love reading your blog. Thanks again for sharing all of your life's adventures with us. We miss you!!
It's funny Mel, we feel this is the first year we're able to start our own traditions. I am really looking forward to having Christmas at our house and not have to worry about traveling across the world! I hope you have a wonderful and memorable Christmas too!
ReplyDeleteWOW, I am so proud of your sister! That is a big deal. What an honor to be able to positively influence kids and be great at it too!