I know, I know, I've been a parent since March 17, 2004 but there are some rites of passage you have to experience to really earn the title of parent. Or at least the title of "Parent with Experience."For example, I always tell everyone I never really knew what motherhood was until I had two kids. Before that being a mother felt like a permanent vacation. Marcus and I did what we wanted, when we wanted. Our lives revolved around play dates and trips to the park. The house was always immaculate, laundry was always done, and I even had time for my hobbies (reading, running, knitting, quilting, cooking). Then cute little Bean arrived and suddenly I was constantly outnumbered, wishing I had an extra arm so I could hug each child and multi-task at the same time. I finally understood what it meant to "need a break" from my kids. Planning occasional girls nights out, or hiring a babysitter for a date night with Randy became a must to save my sanity as my brain turned to mush from watching too many episodes of Sesame Street and reading "Good Night Moon" approximately 23 times a day.
I still enjoyed being a mother but the vacation days of motherhood were over.
Fast forward to several days ago when I got the phone call that has promoted my naive parenting to its new status. My neighbor called to inform me my firstborn had gotten into some trouble with her son and she thought I should know what had gone down. My eyes widened in surprise as the story unfolded. My emotions ranged from apologetic to embarrassed to furious within seconds. I knew better than to assume it was the other kid's fault, however a big part of me assumed my Marcus would never do that.
After spending the day in his room and being thoroughly interrogated by his father, Marcus finally confessed.
I found out I was wrong. My kid did do that.
Randy and I debated over how to handle the situation, what the consequences would be, and how to prevent things from happening again. My first instinct was to pull the boys out of school and begin home schooling immediately, television would be limited to PBS kids and musicals, and the only literature allowed in the home would be The Holy Bible and The Book of Mormon.
But I knew I wasn't being realistic. Plus, I'd go insane within days. But we have made a few changes. The biggest change is with me. I must be proactive about teaching my children how to live in a world where morals are a thing of the past. I can't assume they know what seems so obvious to me. I have to teach them. My eyes have been opened. The stakes are high. Parenting is harder than I thought.
I don't even want to think about what it will be like to be a parent of teenagers.
Don't worry, Marcus isn't
headed straight to juvie
and one day he'll look back
on this whole experience
and laugh his head off!
I'm glad I'm not the only one on this long journey... especially with boys it's crazy. Tom tells me about the things he was exposed to in 4th grade and I just want to cry... I lecture Hayden ever time he wants to go to a friends house...going over every possible scenario he may encounter and what to do, but I know I"m not thinking of everything and then it's still up to him to decide what to do! I could keep him home, for a while, but not forever. Let me know if you discover any great insights that might help on this journey.
ReplyDeleteMelanie,
ReplyDeleteYou are a wonderful mom! I remember the days when you just had Marcus. Yes, those were the glory days of parenting, but I didn't realize it! Marcus is lucky to have you as his mom. I bet if we compared stories (of if you compared stories with any mom, as long as they were honest), we'd all have our fair share of parenting "moments." I'm thinking of a specific one with Conor while he was in kindergarten. Let's just say that he went to the principal's office. And it has to do with exposing something we don't expose at lunch to our friends. ;)
No home schooling. More books than the scriptures. And branch out to the Disney Channel. he he he. As parents we all have to help THEM learn how to choose the right --- as the song goes: "Choose the right, when a choice is placed before you...." Not easy. It's easier when they are under 8 and we can kind of choose the right FOR THEM.
You and Randy are great parents ... if you weren't you would not have done anything about the situation. I love little Marcus and I'm glad to read he was honest and brave enough to confess. That, alone, is difficult for kids to do.
ReplyDeleteA teacher I had in highschool told us about how he raised his kids. He strongly encouraged them to tell him about the bad things they did right away and not lie or leave out any information. If they took this approach he would not punish them as severely as if he were to find out through the grapevine. He said it took one time and they learned to be open about communicating with him. BTW ... I haven't tried this (I just remembered) :) so I may have to see what happens.
Parenting is not always easy or fun but your boys are very polite and fun! If they didn't get into trouble they wouldn't be human, they would be robots! You're doing a great job and raising them well!
Oh gosh. Heard from Ann what went down. Wayne laughed....hard. Then a few minutes later started laughing again. Boys scare me. They do gross things and say gross things and my oldest boy is only barely 4! I am in for it.
ReplyDelete