My Neglected Middle Children

Parker graduated from preschool and as I flipped through the photographs taken throughout the year in the book his teacher gave him, I almost cried.  This poor kid has been neglected a little too much over the past year.  He started preschool just as I was dealing with my skin cancer and a newborn.  I never got to know any of the other parents or kids and put off scheduling play dates for Parker because I was always too busy.  There was a picture of the two of us at a Father-Son pumpkin carving activity that I went to instead of Randy because Randy had an emergency patient at our new practice.  I don't feel bad that I got to go instead of Randy but we were a half hour late because I had the time wrong.  There was a cute picture of Parker at the farm on a field trip and I remember we were the last ones to arrive and missed half the tour because Henry had a diaper blow out and I had no idea where the farm was.  And then there was a picture of Parker dressed as a shepherd boy for the Christmas Nativity.  Randy had to take Parker to that one and I think they were even on time, while I was at a choir concert for the older boys.  Seriously, flipping through the pages brought back a lot of painful memories and emotions.  Yet somehow Parker has done just fine and hopefully won't remember much about preschool anyway, but I still feel bad.

We arrived just as the "ceremony" was starting and I was so relieved when another boy came dashing in after us.  We weren't the last ones to arrive after all!

Here's Parker at the Mother's Day Tea.  Henry pooped so I arrived late, and the relief in Parker's eyes that I showed up was obvious.  I think he really wasn't even expecting me to be there.  I am the worst.

Our friend's son got married last weekend and as I watched the couple kneel across the altar in the temple, it was all I could do to not panic as I realized in a blink of an eye it will be Marcus getting married to his beautiful bride.  I really hope our lives will slow down enough to feel like we are in control a little bit before that happens.  Right now it feels like we've been drinking from a fire hose for far too long.  At the wedding dinner, another couple was talking to us and said they decided that of all the people in the ward who had the most stressful lives, Randy and I stood out above and beyond anyone else.  {of course this was partly due to Henry's recent emergency hospital ordeal} I enthusiastically agreed with them and told them we are lucky to even have friends because we aren't much fun to be around these days.  But if there is a blessing in all of this, it is that my boys have rallied and become responsible, independent, and grateful. 

My mom-guilt has reached new levels because I allowed Landon to have a Lego party for no reason other than he really, really wanted a party.  He's been saving up his money for a Lego set and thought it would be fun to have friends over to build their Lego sets together.  We invited a few friends over and the boys each arrived with a small set of their own to build and the boys built away while I made homemade pizza.  It was very unlike me to do anything like this because, hello, I don't even let my little boys have birthday parties, but if Landon is going to grow up with emotional scars then I hoped this little party might minimize them a little bit.  Or at least allow me to remind him he wasn't always the neglected middle child.  I will make sure this Lego party/Mom-win is never forgotten.