Thirty

 Yesterday would have been Lindsey's 30th birthday.  I tried to imagine what she would be like at thirty and I just can't.  Like I've said before, it makes no sense that someone that special, someone with so much love for life is no longer here. To commemorate her birthday the boys and I had an indoor picnic on the floor in the family room while we watched the video of her life.  Man, she was one of a kind!  We ate ice cream before bed just like Linz always did.  Although tears were shed, it felt good to think of her.
I tried to remember what I did for my 30th birthday so many years ago and realized I spent it in England.  So in a way, I guess that means I spent my 30th birthday with Linz which suddenly makes it much more memorable.  As I look back over the England pics she took and recognize the people and the sites because we went there too, I wonder how in the world we were ever able to go to England in the first place.  It was as painful as it was good.  Every place we went to and every person we met was a reminder that everything would've been better if Lindsey had been there.  I don't know how we weren't bawling our eyes out through the entire trip.  I think we had just gotten really good at plodding along through our grief and saving the tears for our pillows at night.