It's Okay to Cry for Me

It's time to address the elephant in the room.
I've started wearing a wig.  It's actually called a topper and clips onto my hair.  My real hair shows a bit in the front and underneath but it's a wig.  I hate calling it a wig and refer to it as my "helper hair" so I don't burst into tears when I talk about it.  But let's back up a bit...
My hair started gradually thinning when I was eighteen years old and because of cursed genetics from my mom, I knew one day I'd have to do something drastic about my hair, or lack of hair, I should say.  I remember my college roommates teasing me about my paranoia but even back then, I knew the clock was ticking away with each strand of hair that fell out.

You might think it's no big deal to lose hair because chemo patients lose their hair too and no one judges them.  Believe me, losing your hair due to cancer is not the same thing!  My mom would tell you because she dealt with both.  Women should have hair!  Female hair loss is sad and shaming.  It's totally acceptable for men to go bald but not women.  I've spent so much money on various hair products throughout the years trying to fight the inevitable and finally in the past six months realized that despite the increased amount of time I spent on my hair, it still looked terrible and I hated even being seen.  I was using more and more product to conceal my scalp and was always unhappy with the results and super paranoid that people would discover my secret.
Well, it's not a secret anymore and I think that's the hardest part to accept - that with the aid of my helper hair in making my hair look average it's so much better than what I used to look like that people are stunned.  And that stings.  But it's better than walking around with a shiny scalp and wispy hair that you can see straight through.

On the bright side, I feel pretty again.  The comment I get most is that I look so much younger and that's pretty awesome.  But a lot of people don't say anything at all which makes me wonder if they really didn't notice or they just didn't know what to say because how can you not say anything when it's so dramatic?! But I guess saying, "I like your wig," is not something that comes naturally.

I take a lot more selfies now and I don't delete them either, although I'm not even sure why I have this picture of me with crying Henry.  Oh well.  I like wearing my hair in ponytails again.  Although I think it looks "wiggy, " it's just something I'm learning to accept.

So in the next life when we are all hanging out in heaven and you don't recognize me because of my long flowing locks of beautiful, dark hair that I was born with, you'll know it's me because I'll be walking around arm in arm with my beautiful mom who will be flouncing her own gorgeous head of hair, as we grin from ear to ear. Or maybe none of us will even have hair so you can all know how it feels to be bald!  Ha!  But that wouldn't be heaven and sounds more like Hell so let's just go with what I said at first. 

Here's a link to the blog I found about five years ago that really helped me take the plunge. Yes, this has been a long process.  This girl has saved countless women who suffer like me and she has kept her hair loss a secret from everyone but her immediate family.  She's got skills.  And her hair looks way better than most...#hairgoals