Empty Buses

Time is passing but it sure doesn’t feel like it. Ethan just completed an entire semester of online schooling with no end in sight. Parker and Landon are still logging onto their computers for hours each day as their teachers desperately try to come up with ways to keep them engaged in something tedious and monotonous. It’s depressing. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since things shut down. I can’t believe I am making my kids do remote learning. I can’t believe I haven’t come up with a better alternative. Sometimes I even cry as I imagine the day when Parker will actually get on a bus and go to school. And then I cry harder because it’s so sad that I will actually sob tears of joy when my kids get to go to school. I never thought I’d live through a pandemic and I never thought I’d have to beg, and rally, and email legislators so my kids could go to school. I’ve always taken it for granted that school would just happen. It is crushing. 

Meanwhile, Marcus just had his first week of school in Utah. He’s made friends, gone to lacrosse practices, gone skiing, and went on his first real date. I miss him like crazy. I’m sad I don’t get to see him coming and going on all these fun things and I feel such guilt for making my other kids live in WA. I know it’s not all rainbows and butterflies in Utah but it sure feels that way right now as it literally doesn’t seem like more than a few weeks have passed since March 2019 when the world shut down because my world is still shut down. 

Did you know when I go running in the mornings there are always a few school buses that pass me? I used to like the sound of them driving by as it reminded me of normal days but now I know better. Those empty buses aren’t driving by to pick up kids at their bus stops.  The buses are on the streets aimlessly driving around because if the buses don’t get used and just sit for 11+ months, they won’t run. It’s to keep them from dying. 

The next time you see a school bus drive by full of rowdy kids, wave and smile. Smile because the bus isn’t empty. Smile because the bus has somewhere to go, filled with kids who are doing normal things. 

I feel like an empty bus.