Mama Bear

I never felt real rage until I became a mother.  I can get angry and annoyed but when someone messes with my kids, deep down inside me I want to turn into The Hulk and destroy everything in my path.  Luckily for everyone, these episodes are few and far between and I am pretty good at stifling my inner raging demon enough to be civil and seem only mildly annoyed/angry.  Knowing when to give in to my mama bear instincts and when to let things go is a hard line to walk.  Some of my biggest regrets have been when I ignored the instinct and didn't stand up for one of my kids.
This summer, I took Parker to his first swim lesson.  It's always hard to know which swim level to sign a kid up for because if it's too easy they end up sitting on the edge of the pool while the teacher dips their toes in the water.  If it's too hard they can't keep up with the other kids, they get tired, and want to quit.  Parker hasn't had lessons in forever (because I'm cheap and Randy used to be a swim instructor for crying out loud) but I finally bit the bullet and realized Parker's swimming abilities would bring shame to the Ball family name so I signed him up for lessons at our dreaded YMCA.
I got him all squared away with his teacher and his goggles properly placed, then found a chair to sit on at the adjacent pool where I couldn't watch Parker without turning around.  I thought this was a good idea so I wouldn't be tempted to interfere and yell at him if he started to goof off but every once in awhile I'd turn around to check on him.  The instructor was a young college kid and there were only 3 kids in the class.  Parker was the youngest and definitely the worst swimmer but was holding his own.  I was surprised at the distance the instructor was making the kids swim but Parker seemed to be managing. The next time I glanced over, the teacher had them doing the back stroke.  Parker was terrible at it but in my brief glance, seemed to be okay.  When I checked again, I saw that Parker was desperately trying to keep afloat on his back but was basically vertical in the water with his head tipped back, almost like he was trying to tread water.  The teacher just watched and said nothing.  Parker's head kept going under and that's when Mama Bear came out.  I stormed over to the pool and got there just as Parker made it to the edge where he was hanging onto the wall, crying, and coughing.  I noticed one of the other kids was crying too and I got so mad!  "What are you doing??  Are you not allowed to touch the kids or help them in any way?  Couldn't you see my son doesn't know how to do the backstroke?  Why were you just watching him almost drown??!!"
He responded with, "Sorry."
Then I picked up Parker, wet and sobbing, and carried him out of the pool area and barged into the lifeguard office.  The two employees looked at me with big eyes as I said, "Who is in charge and who do I talk to about my son's horrible swim instructor?"
To make a long story a little less long, I was able to switch Parker to another instructor but same level, and this instructor was so great that he even convinced Parker to get back in the water after the whole horrible ordeal.  Parker loved his lessons and got so much better at swimming.  That time I think the Mama Bear in me paid off.
Well, there's more to this story.  Several weeks ago, a friend and fellow boy-mom reached out to me about an event she needed help with.  She had secured youth advocate and founder of Save The Kids foundation, Collin Kartchner, to come to our area.  He's a TEDx speaker who travels around the country empowering kids to use social media and phones in better ways to help they stay emotionally healthy.  He is awesome and a force for good.  I was thrilled he'd be coming and was more than willing to help my friend secure a venue and funding even though I've NEVER done anything like this before.  I'm not even a PTSA member.  I don't get involved because I'm fine being that crazy lady with five boys who doesn't have time for things like that.  But I've more than made up for it over the last two weeks as I've spent hours emailing PTSA's, principals, and local business owners, trying to convince them that Collin Kartchner is amazing and worth their time and funding.  It's been so frustrating when the responses have been less than enthusiastic.  Here's part of my email to school administration and PTSA boards:
When my 8th grade son (who doesn't have a smart phone) comes home from school and tells me how bored he is at lunch because all his friends are playing games or watching YouTube on their phones, I feel bad.  I feel bad for this generation of kids who measures their worth by how many followers they have on social media or how many likes they get on a post....
The responses I got were less than enthusiastic.  I quickly realized that schools and PTSA boards are a lot like the government.  Slow to act and unable to do something outside the box.  The one principal that actually responded to me told me that the assembly schedule is planned a year in advance.
I wanted to say, "So what?  It's one hour!  One freaking hour.  The kids spend half of every Friday doing "Fun Friday" where they party and goof off and you can't fit a one-hour assembly into your day from an engaging advocate for our kids who is booked out for the next twenty-six months?!"
Duh.  But I didn't say that.  We found a venue for Collin's event and raised thousands of dollars without a single dime from any of the PTSA's (they can't donate money without at least a 45 day notice, blah blah blah).  I've also learned that if I want to make changes and work around the somewhat clueless parents who live in my community, I need to start participating in PTSA.  I need to get friendly with the high school principal so eventually I can convince him to install vaping detectors in the school bathrooms.  Yes, my son goes to a school where it's totally normal for kids to leave class to go to the bathroom and come back high.  Totally normal.  Maybe vaping detectors would help curb that.  Or at least keep them from getting lung disease.
OK, venting is over.  Thanks for reading.  I'd love to hear your stories of rage and Mama Bear unleashed.

Not your Typical Sunday Afternoon

Some things are too good to go unmentioned so I must share this fantastic experience I had with my boys.  It was a Sunday afternoon which I typically don't love.  Usually all I want to do is take a nap and all they want to do is watch TV.  If I let them watch TV then eventually they go stir-crazy and need to burn off some energy and if the weather doesn't allow them to go outside things get really crazy really fast.  So I dread Sunday afternoons.  Well, this particular Sunday was like all the others.  Randy was working on scout stuff, we had just finished our 1-hour of Quiet Time (boys have to stay in their rooms for one hour doing whatever they want that doesn't involve technology while I read/nap) and I was trying to come up with something we could do.  I was inspired.  Seriously pure divine inspiration gave me the idea to watch the old musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers with my boys.  It's not something they would ever choose to watch but because it was a Sunday I could make them do it because they were just happy I was letting them watch TV.  And the musical is wholesome and perfect for a quiet Sunday afternoon.  Also, I've only seen it once years ago but I told the boys it's about a bunch of brothers who kidnap girls so they can get married.  That got their attention fast!  Well, we watched it and all the boys loved it.  Marcus was slightly disturbed/surprised by the things that were allowed back then (ie wholesome people offering passersby tobacco and finding a wife just to be used as a housekeeper), and the other boys loved all the dancing and fighting scenes.  It was so fun to laugh together as we watched it.  Eventually Randy joined us too.  I love that I found a way to watch something unmanly with them.  Their wives will thank me one day.  Talk about well-rounded young men!

Landon didn't even know I was taking his picture and you can just barely see Ethan grinning away at the screen

It's Summer!

But it sure doesn't feel like it because it's so cold!  It's a cool 67 degrees inside the house right now because I refuse to turn on the heat.  But it's kind of nice that the kids can play outside all day long without melting.  I even took/dragged the boys on a bike ride the other day, smack in the middle of the afternoon just because we could.  The Utah girl in me will never take for granted an opportunity to play outside in the summer when I don't melt into a big puddle of sweat.

Anyway, school ended and I did something I've never done before.....I threw a neighborhood party to celebrate summer.  It was a BYOSC Party {Bring Your Own Shaving Cream}.  I invited all our neighbors who have kids and only one family (the Mormons next door) could come.  So I invited another family to join us and we had a great time eating pizza and snacks before making a huge shaving cream mess in the yard.  It was fun and I'm considering making it a tradition to add to our other last-day-of-school traditions of rainbow pancakes for breakfast and ice cream sandwiches after the bus stop. 

 Last summer was a bad one due to the whole pregnancy/newborn thing.  The boys spent countless hours in front of the TV and I couldn't do much about it.  But it was bad.  And long.  And made us all really happy when school started.  So this summer I have been stressing about how to make it a great summer even if we aren't doing a whole lot and even if I have a baby that needs two naps a day and a teenager who is too old to do things with the family without throwing major attitude.  I told the boys about their new summer schedule of jobs/piano practicing/reading/exercise and they were furious.  I tried to get them to help me come up with a summer bucket list and they would have none of it.  Basically they were anticipating a summer of screen time and spending as little time together as possible and I quickly informed them the horrible summer of 2017 would never be repeated.  A couple hours later I locked all the boys out of the house.  I was mad.  They were mad.  Landon told me I was ruining his life.  The next day was almost as bad.  Ethan told me this was the worst summer EVER!  But I persevered and made a few changes.  I threw in 1 hour of screen time in the afternoon IF their jobs are done and IF the kitchen is clean and IF they are being good.  Oh, and they are only allowed a snack at 10:00 and 3:00.  GAME CHANGER!  I knew I was onto something good when the moment I announced it I almost had a mutiny on my hands.  Landon instantly started to cry.  Apparently limiting their access to the kitchen was hitting below the belt and it made me so happy.  Now I don't have to constantly clean the kitchen or nag someone to do it and the boys stay out of my way or I put them to work.  It's lovely.  I haven't locked anyone outside except that one time, been yelled at, or had to hide in my closet so that's a serious win.  But I'm giving most of the credit to our next door neighbors.  This is the first time since Okinawa that my kids have had friends they can play with at the drop of a hat and it sure makes it great that their mom doesn't allow any screen time so my kids think I'm pretty generous for allowing them their one hour. 

Ethan made matching bracelets for him and Henry to wear.  It's amazing what he can do when he doesn't watch TV!

We've spent some time at Pine Lake where the boys swim/kayak/paddle board while I follow Henry around while he eats dirt.  It's so boring.  But at least I don't have to put on a swim suit so that a major thumbs up.

Landon and Parker have discovered the freedom of the kayak.  Pretty soon they're going to paddle off into the sunset and I'll be turned in to social services.

 Henry is my entertainment at the lake.

The tradition of biking for sushi and donuts lives on.  Unfortunately a couple miles into the ride Landon's chain kept falling off his bike so after lots of tears, yelling, and drama, we turned around and went home.  Then I drove everyone to the store and gave Ethan a little hug for being so patient with Landon.  And Wednesday's are $5 sushi days so this will be a weekly tradition.

I forced everyone to go on a Sunday walk with me through a nearby preserve that we've never been to.  It was gorgeous and my boys could probably be heard for miles around as they yelled, wrestled, broke tree branches, sang songs, whined, teased, and even had fun.  And they wonder why they never see any wild life.  They're so loud they scare it away!  Parker held my hand on the steep parts and told me all about the things he's looking forward to doing in kindergarten.  Made my heart melt.

 I dropped Marcus and his friend off at EFY, a week-long church camp.  I loved that they both brought their stuff in garbage bags because why not?  Marcus is having a great time and I can't wait to hear all about it.  I have a feeling if I blink he'll be all grown up and graduating.

Ethan is the Man!

This boy has been busy being awesome lately.  With the help of his dad, Ethan put together a pretty awesome science fair project.  So awesome in fact, he was awarded 1st place and came home with a sweet trophy. 
Ethan decided to do his experiment about paper airplanes.  He built six different types of planes and came up with a hypothesis about which one would fly the farthest and why. Randy and Ethan camped out in the den for two days typing everything up and recording data.  They even drove over to the church, in a blizzard {so they had several detours due to cars blocking the roads}, where they performed the actual testing of the airplanes.  Although Ethan didn't actually pull an all nighter, he definitely stayed up way past his bedtime to get this done so he got a good glimpse of what high school and college life will be like.  Ethan was so thankful for all the time Randy spent with him that he treated his dad to ice cream to say thanks.  I thought that was pretty sweet, even if it was my idea.  And I thank my lucky stars to be married to a smart man who also happens to be a night owl.  Major fist pump over here that he will be the one to see the boys through these projects while I go to bed at 10pm. 

Here he is testing his hypothesis.  Which he ended up rejecting.  Doesn't that sound so technical?

 Ethan spent the morning explaining his project to interested kids, and trust me, they were interested!  There was always a crowd around his table because paper airplanes are way more interesting than eggs and battery experiments that are all over Pinterest. 

 Ethan also just competed in his last Pinewood Derby.  This meant more late nights spent out in the garage, working side by side with Randy to build a fast car.  {Randy isn't in it to win it, he's just scarred for life after Marcus's Pinewood Derby that ended in tears when Marcus was the only boy who didn't qualify to move on to the district race.  We laugh about it now, but Randy hated feeling like he failed his son so he works hard to ensure the car doesn't come in last.}  Also, Randy has only been able to attend one of the last six Pinewood Derbies.  Somehow something legitimate always comes up at the last second like an emergency root canal or this year it was Landon's soccer game.  Randy is always so relieved he doesn't have to be there to see how things go down so I'm constantly texting him with updates so he can determine just how happy or upset his son will be.  This year was a good race.  Ethan's car started out slow but got faster with each race and he ended up taking 2nd place.  Turns out there were several dads {one who is a rocket scientist} that brought their A game so it was fun to see how it played out. 

2nd place and another trophy to add to his collection.  Poor Randy, he's not even halfway through his Pinewood derby car building experience.  He's got 8 more cars to go!  It's no wonder he wanted a baby girl so badly.