Things My Mom Never Had To Say

No weapons at the table.
Go take a shower.  You smell.
Please flush the toilet.
No, you can't bring a sword to church.
Put the toilet seat down when you're done.
Stop bouncing balls in the house!
Take your underwear off your head!
Why doesn't anyone flush the toilet in this house?!
Get off me! (my boys are always jumping on me especially if I'm on the floor or bending over)
I'm not taking you to the bathroom, find a bush.
Calm down before you break my house!
Stop wrestling in the van and buckle up!
No sticks allowed in the house.
Be nice and pretend you have manners.
Flush the toilet!!

OK, this list could be a lot longer but I think just writing it has been therapeutic.  And yes, I say most of these things daily.  DAILY, people.
And now I'm going to go find some chocolate.