So Much Good

I've been grumpy all week.  Angry even.  I think it's because I miss my sister.  Lindsey's 31st birthday would've been last Sunday.  We watched the slideshow/movie we made of her life for the funeral with Randy and my boys and I cried.  Then we sang Happy Birthday to her and ate brownies. 
I've been thinking about her a bunch and was surprised to find out how many others were thinking of her too.  Her best friend posted a picture on Facebook and it was so fun to read all the comments of memories people shared.  Her life touched so many people and not because she died but because of the way she lived her life.  She was so full of adventure and fun, was so sincerely kind, and to top it all off she saw the bigger picture that this life is.  She loved others because she loved God and by being around her you felt of God's love.  I've never met anyone else like her.  Our family neighbors and friends all wore blue to church on Sunday in honor of Lindsey and several neighbors even brought gifts over to my dad.  And many thanks to my Boston friend, Ellen, who planned a sister missionary panel for her Young Women and one of the girls received a "fake" mission call to the Birmingham, England mission in Lindsey's honor.  How cool was that?  All of these acts remind me that she has not been forgotten.  And now I'm getting all weepy. . .
I took a video of a video so the quality isn't great but I absolutely love this little clip from her slideshow because it's like she's talking right to me.  Love you, Linz!

Four Years

Mom with Baby Ethan, talking on the phone to my sister

It was four years ago yesterday that my Mom passed away.  I hate that day.  I hate thinking about it, but at the same time it seems too big to not mention.
I spent last night watching the Broadway musical Wicked with Randy.  He surprised me with tickets for Christmas {love him!}.  As I sat watching it, I couldn't help but remember the first time I saw Wicked was when I was in London, watching it with my Mom.  It felt more than coincidental that I was watching it again, on the day of her passing.
I cried a lot.  Especially when they sang "For Good", which was sung at Lindsey's funeral and always reminds me of her.  Four years without a mom is a long time.  It feels like my wings were clipped and I've been struggling along ever since.  My mom was always so good at giving me just the right advice and the right criticism to see what I needed to do better.  She softened my rough edges which makes me wonder what I would be like if she were still here.